There is No Me Without You

The tone was set for the rest of the season with this one desperate line, "there is no me without you". How does one come back from such a confession?

As sweet and heartbreaking as that confession was, Dean's attachment to his brother, his desperation to not live in a world without him has probably led him to commit the most unspeakable act. To trick Sam's dying soul into saying yes to an angel possession, when Dean knows very well how Sam feels about being possessed, not having any control over his body and his actions. To have his little brother's mind wiped so that Sam would not remember any of it, especially after Sam made it perfectly clear when Dean wiped Lisa's memory back in season 6 that he found it to be extremely wrong. Dean took away Sam's free will, and though I do understand why he did it, it's definitely a line that was crossed. Dean won't be able to come back from that, ever. It's tragic.

Will Dean ever be able to forgive himself? Will he be able to justify himself if/when Sam ever does find out? And the previous season ended so well, despite the angels falling and Sam dying, at least they were on the same page, they were both in the fight together. Now, they are both in the fight together, but under false pretenses and I fear the worst is going to come as the season unfolds.

One can argue that Dean is doing what's best for the world. He knows that he and Sam are the only ones who can really save everyone. Not to sound biased, but I think it's true. Unless we are introduced to more hunters who can be considered capable if not even more so than Sam and Dean, I am forced to believe that the Winchesters are the only ones who can save the world and everyone in it. Perhaps, with a little help from Cass, Kevin, Ezekiel and possibly Crowley, too.

"There is no me without you", this line holds more meaning than a simple declaration from one brother to another. Dean is all about the hunt, he is all about family and keeping the family business going. If Sam isn't alive then he is basically rendered incapable of continuing on that road. His confession to Sam is exactly that, it's a plea for his little brother to see that he cannot be without him. Dean cannot be without Sam. Throughout the seasons we've witnessed Sam being able to live a life far from that of a hunter's. We've watched him grow and live outside of his brother's shadow. Sam has proven to us that he is capable of being his own person, that he is capable of letting go and moving on. Dean cannot, it's not as easy for him as it is for his little brother. At the risk of sounding cliched and homoerotic, Dean breathes Sam, he eats, wakes up and sleeps Sam. Sam is Dean's whole life, no matter how bad things got, no matter how impossible, that one thing has always remained constant. If Sam were to ever truly die, never to be able to come back again, Dean would die too. I guess the, going out in a blaze of glory, would be a better fitted ending for our Winchester heroes. In fact, after this episode I believe it would be the only way for them to end, or possibly begin. It is the perfect outcome for the homoerotic love story that is Sam and Dean.

Fan girl moment! Ezekiel is the guy from Doll House! I loved him in that show, hopefully we see him again this season of Supernatural :)

Also, I think this season's title card is the best one out of the SPN title cards.

 

Question to the fans:

- Dean's actions, getting Sam to say yes to Ezekiel possessing him, it was done out of love and fear for Sam. True or False? Do you believe he did so because he really wanted to keep Sam from dying forever, or do you think it's his way of trying make things right with everything? After all, he did stop Sam from closing the gates of hell permanently. Could his act of desperation be his way of trying to redeem what he's done? Discuss!!

 
XOXO The Girl With The Kaleidoscope

Not Another One!

Once upon a time there was a pin.

This is as far as I got. What's an author without an idea to write about? Or rather what's an author without the ability to create ideas to write about? Where do ideas come from? Surely, they aren't simply conjured up by our unlimited imagination. Because, if they were then I wouldn't be sitting here writing yet another post about having writer's block.

Since I moved back to the States, I say move back only because I was born here. I should say, since I moved to the States, I have found myself immersed in a world of unlimited possibilities. Only problem is, those unlimited possibilities have not lent themselves to my writing. I still remain without the ability to form a solid idea that could unfold into an amazing, or at least, an acceptable story.

Perhaps, I'm trying too hard? Can a writer write too much? And if a writer has nothing to write, or does not have the ability to write, can this person be called a writer? Is it fair to assume that all writers should have an idea of what they want to write about? I have plenty of ideas, some of them I've written down and archived. Some of my ideas are simply ideas of having ideas. It's a vicious loop, a nightmare ride that you can't get off of unless you plummet to your doom and wake up in a cold sweat. If you're lucky enough you may even be able to tweet about it.

Is it possible to dream tweet? I've done it twice. I've dreamed and then, barely awake, turned on my phone and tweeted about it. They say your mind works in mysterious ways. I say it's the lack of proper sleep, the obsession to keep my followers up to date about my mundane existence, my bad habit of sleeping with my phone by my bed side table, that truly contributes to my so called "genius".

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, perhaps I should just let things happen. After all I work better when I'm not aware of it. Case in point, this post. No, I'm not dream blogging. But I am half awake, or half asleep, depending on your time zone. Guess it does help to pour out all your thoughts, clear your mind of the muddle. Who knows, I may end up writing the next best seller tomorrow? ... Baby steps.

xoxo
The Girl With The Kaleidoscope

Living Vicariously Through

Living Vicariously Through

by The Girl With The Kaleidoscope

Her eyes pop open, she sighs contently, turns over and closes her eyes once again. "I miss you," she whispers out as she falls back into another dream.

When you miss someone long enough, you begin to dream about them.  Manifestations of the heart's desire. This particular dream is of her and her boyfriend on the beach. Want to see what her heart's desire is? let's take a look. Shh ... We wouldn't want to wake her.

The sea water washes over her feet, she wriggles her toes in the cool sand, her eyes are focused on the horizon and the soft light of the sun illuminates her beautiful features. The breeze from the ocean blows her head scarf, she lifts her face slightly and breathes in the fresh salty air. A chill runs down her spine, so she wraps her arms around her body in a feeble attempt to warm herself. She's not expecting anyone, so when a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist, pulling her in for a passionate embrace, she squeals and nearly elbows the intruder in the ribs.

She's frowning slightly. It's amazing how deceptive a facial expression can be. If I didn't know any better, I would think she was having a less than pleasant dream.

She's smiling again.

She's spun around and is faced with a huge mischievous grin, "hey" he says. 
She slaps him playfully on the shoulder, "you jerk! You gave me a fright!" 
He raises his eyebrow, "you gave me a fright?" He chuckles at her choice of words. 
She pouts at his teasing, "you're mean". 
He leans down and kisses her lovingly on the forehead, "you look cute when you pout."

This dream is beginning to hurt my teeth! The sweetness it's exhuming is nauseating! I love a good romantic just as much as the next person, but this dream is verging on Once Upon A Time, but without the cool bad guys and evil witches. ... But let's see where this goes, I'm an optimist, someone is gonna meet some kind of doom I'm sure.

It's dark now, they're at a barbeque with a bunch of friends, she's nowhere to be spotted. He's by the barbeque pit making up a few plates.
"Aaaaaah!", her laughter echoes in the moonlight. She's being chased by one of her girlfriends.
"I swear I'm gonna bury your head in the sand when I catch you!" Her girlfriend jokes, but the look in her eyes belies the tone in her voice. 
"IF you catch me, slow poke!"

From my very keen observations, turning over in your sleep while you are dreaming tends to change the dream, shifts it a little.

It's pitch black and the beach is deserted.

Now, we're getting somewhere! This is where the action begins!

Not a soul in sight, not even a sound, but for the soft whispers and playful chuckles. A spotlight suddenly shines down on the loving pair. They're in each other's embrace, rocking slowly to the rhythm of the sea waves. The contrast of the pitch blackness of the ocean, and the bright illumination of the spotlight gives an oddly romantic feel to the scene. It's quiet, serene and peaceful. He has so much love for her, he holds her tight and places feather like kisses on her cheek and forehead. She's in a dream, she's exactly where she belongs, and she's loving it.

Aw! Hell! Now, I feel like an ass for hoping something bad would happen. Bah!

She's waking up now. Guess it's time I make myself scarce. As I fade into the wallpaper, I watch the smile she woke up with slowly fade away. She looks around her room and realizes she is not in her dream. He's not going to be there with her, the distance of two countries keeping them apart. An unexpected whimper escapes her throat and she squeezes her eyes shut, a feeble attempt at going back to sleep, back to her dream. But she can't, as much as she would love to, she can't.

"Well, better go shower and head downstairs. Try to get some work done." She sighs.

I feel for her, I really do. But at least she gets to go to sleep and dream, that's more than what I can say for myself.

Wake Up and Smell the Roses!

 Wake Up and Smell the Roses!

by The Girl With The Kaleidoscope

She struggles to figure out where to begin.

It's not easy starting over, turning a brand new page and beginning a new chapter. Those first words are always the hardest to compose. Your mind literally goes blank and you can't help but wonder, am I where I'm supposed to be?

Is what I want to do, truly what I should be doing? She can't help but doubt herself and her choices. Dreams are foolish, she tries to convince her mind as it wanders to yet another imaginary possibility. They are hypocritical, unattainable and selfish!

But we still have them, we jot them down and spend every waking hour daydreaming about the possibilities and the 'what ifs'.

Money, fame, fortune, a hot new boyfriend, a mansion by Disney World. All bullshit! Dreams are just a way of letting you know that these are the things you will never truly have. Wake the fuck up and live reality!

It's frustrating, and the tears in her eyes sting like acid.

Problem with reality is that it's bleak and dark and disgusting! It smells of piss and blood and heartache, and who the hell wants to be a part of that?! Who wants to walk in the muck of reality when they can swim in the fresh waters of dreams?

She can't seem to make up her mind, though, do I really want to be here or there? Do I want to continue dreaming, or do I want to suck it up and tread through the muck?

Darling, you don't have a choice in the matter. Reality of the situation, is that it's not about what you want, but what needs to be. And reality needs to be. Being stinky, bloody, dirty and depressed is what needs to be. There's no escaping it. No point of even trying.

But for how long can I keep up with this reality?

Her questions and doubts will probably never be answered. She will probably continue to question, continue to dream. At least until reality sinks in and her dreams become another distant memory, never to be exhumed again. She will walk through life just like the rest of the world. In a dream like state of mind.

Note from the author: Sometimes I disassociate myself from me for a brief moment while writing a personal blog post.

Welcome to the Circus! An Animation First!

The video I am about to share with you is one I am very proud of! Not only did I use my video editing skills to put this piece together, but I also used a set of new skills that I convinced myself I could never have - animation. Now, this may be viewed as a very primitive form of animation, but for someone who has never done this, who has believed she could never pull this off ... I say primitive my tush!

It took me about a week and a half to complete this. It started off as one sequence and ended with sequence no.6 with no relation what-so-ever to the  first sequence (most video editors may understand what I mean). 

I used three programs to make this video, the main one was Photoshop. Taking each image into different layers, cutting, trimming, distorting, rotating and resizing. Then, I imported them into Final Cut Express where the still images came to life! Live Type was used for animating and making the font. Voila! My first animated short came alive!

This is another piece that I contributed to hitRECord. This one was for the Creepy Collab.

Editing Programs: Photoshop, Final Cut Express, Live Type
Uploaded To: Youtube & Vimeo

The art in the video was contributed by the talented following:
monazz here & here 
adhgraphicdesign 
KitchCat

The wonderfully creepy music was contributed by:
Jamielee


The Girl With The Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist
@Instagram

Love in the Snow

I present to you another one of my animated videos! Like the video in the previous post, this one was another contribution to the hitRECord "Little Smokestacks - Short Film Collaboration" by FauxFix

Like in the other video the editing and the animating of all the still illustrations was done by me.  


Like Little Smokestacks (Short Film Collaboration) from Yaya8nfinity on Vimeo.

Editing program: Final Cut Express
Uploaded To: Youtube & Vimeo

Footage in this video are from the following contributors:
Yaya_Artist
Just_Jess
annmarie57
OnLy_aMy
Zachary A. Ronan
Aliceart
Les Gordon & Les Gordon

The Girl With The Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist
@Instagram

Salute to All You Animators Out There!

This is one of my first videos where I've attempted to animate a still image! 

'Kissing in the Snow', is a contribution to the HitRECord, 'Little Smokestacks' Short Film. It's a beautiful winter song by FauxFix and they have called on all artists to contribute their work and make this beautiful song into a magical music video. So, I contributed my editing skills!

Editing program: Final Cut Express
Also uploaded to: Youtube  & Vimeo

Art work & footage contributed by:  
OnLy_aMy
courtneyjaynebaran
jeannproductions 


The Girl With The Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist 

The Artist - Doodling Leads To Short Film

'Artist dry spells' can be a huge motivation if you know how to take advantage of them. A mere doodle can turn into a short horror/suspense film, and with an iPhone 4S by your side you can do just about anything with regards to filming! 

This little piece is not really about the actual art work, but more about the transitions and style of editing. The sound effects I used also play a major part in the unfolding of this story. 

Camera of choice: iPhone 4S
Editing program: Final Cut Express
Also uploaded to: Youtube & Vimeo
Sound effects from: freeSFX & soundgator


The Girl With The Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist 

Poem of an Insomniac

On occasion I will dabble in some poetry. It usually hits me during the most awkward moments in my life, usually when emotions are high. Or when I'm burning the midnight oil staring at the wall in the darkness, and watching the shadows that aren't there form a story of their own. On occasion my mind is brilliant, she'll express what I'm feeling with such coherent articulation, that I fear she may be a little too creative for me. On occasion you will get something like the following:

A Beautiful Mind
by The Girl with the Kaleidoscope
Written September 28, 2011

When you sit in your bed and contemplate,
Your mind drifts off to speculate,

Is this what life is supposed to be?
Wandering thoughts about frivolous things?

Can I be someone of deep contemplation?
Or does my mind suffer from lack of imagination?

Drifting off to sleep I sometimes ponder,
How is it my dreams are so much deeper?

The mind is truly magnificent,

If only I could deep contemplate,
Speculate and let my imagination tap into it!


The Girl with the Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist

Turning a Block Into a Road

Even though I consider myself a writer, I don't write nearly as much as I should. When I do write, I spend most of my time tapping away at the keypad to the beat in my head hoping something will come to mind. Sometimes I'll even doodle!

They say the best thing for writer's block is to go out for a walk, have a change of scenery. Me, I make a short video showing exactly what I do when I'm trying to write.

Remember those awesome camera apps I referred to in my previous post? Well, I used this app called Vintagio to edit the video I'm about to show you. It's a pretty cool app, especially if you're like me and you like 70s, 80s or 90s style movies.

Camera of choice: iPhone 4S
Editing program: Vintagio app for the iPhone
Also uploaded to: Youtube & Vimeo

*This video was shot entirely with one hand. 

The Girl With The Kaleidoscope
@Yaya_Artist